Five of us entered on that same date. Anne Ihlein, Anne Searson and Catherine Howard were Australians, Witake Tawita and myself from Kiribati and Tuvalu. After the feast of the Sacred Heart in June 1972, we were joined by an American girl, Dale Maxwell. All of us had been teaching with the exception of Cathy Howard who had come straight from Year 12. Five Sisters made up the Novitiate staff—the Novice mistress, her assistant, the Music and Sewing mistress, the Sister in the kitchen and the Sister who gave us Theology. There are two parts in the Novitiate, the first one is the postulancy where we were gradually introduced into religious life. We learnt about the Order, its spirit, charism, prayer and lectio-divina and mission. Work consisted of cleaning, laundry, gardening and cooking. Once a week we went to Mater Dei in North Sydney to attend talks on Scriptures, Prayer and the Vows with Postulants and Novices from other Congregations. The Novitiate also invited speakers from other Congregations to give talks especially on Scripture, Theology and Church history. Since we were to make our vows to live religious life according to the Constitutions of the Order, we had to learn the Constitutions by heart. That was a time of learning about the Congregation and discerning if religious life was for me. On the other hand, the Congregation tested and discerned if I was suitable for religious life.
After six months in the postulancy we were accepted into the Novitiate programme. The first year in the Novitiate is also called the canonical year when the Novice starts on the religious path, as it were. As an external sign we wore a simple religious dress with a veil which we received on our reception day. We studied in some depth the constitutions of the Daughters of Our Lady of the Sacred Heart and tried to apply it in our daily lives. It is during the canonical year that a novice is confined to the Novitiate and is not allowed to leave the Novitiate for any length of time. In the Novitiate I used to think that we were always praying and working. Silence was to be observed at all times except at recreation after the evening meal and sometimes in the afternoon when we were out in the garden. Also on big feast days we would be given extra recreation time. This silence does not mean that we could not talk if we had to. There was the monthly retreat on the first Friday of every month as well as the annual eight-day retreat before and after Christmas. Usually when we came off retreat we would go to visit the old people at Harbison Home in Bowral. It did not take long to walk there.
In the three years I was in the Novitiate we used to prepare the place for the Sisters coming in from the missions—from PNG, Kiribati, the Philippines, Port Keats, Thursday Island, and Darwin where they worked as teachers, nurses or social workers. They usually came to Hartzer Park Novitiate to make the eight-day retreat. I used to look forward to seeing those great missionaries at the end of the year. When Hartzer had calmed down and all the retreatants had left we all went to Austinmer in early February on the coast of Woollongong for 10 days’ holiday. There we slept, swam, ate, wrote letters and went for long walks. That was our holiday for the year before plunging into the new year’s programme. Sometimes the Novice mistress gave us some quiet days to catch up with unfinished homework and to write home. I wrote to my parents every month, trying to share with them as best as I could what I was doing in the Novitiate. I tried to tell them about the application of the vows in my life after the Novitiate. My father wrote to me but not my mother. He did not say much beyond keeping me posted with family news.
The second year of the Novitiate is spent preparing for first profession, when the Novice makes a public profession of the simple vows of chastity, poverty and obedience. So I was in the Novitiate from 9 April 1972 to 12 January 1975, when I made my first profession. Dale left the Novitiate for good at the end of 1973 and Anne Searson in March 1974 due to illness. After she recuperated she re-entered the Novitiate when it moved to Manila in 1982. Again her sickness returned and she was able to make her vows just before she died in 1984. Sister Anne Ihlein’s and Sister Catherine Howard’s families came for their profession. For Sister Rotia Tawita and me, some Sisters from Kiribati came. A few days after that memorable day, Sister Rotia and I left for Melbourne by train to catch Air Nauru back to Kiribati.
One setback in the joy of ‘coming home’ was that the Gilberts and Ellice Islands were separating. I had heard talk of separation before leaving for Australia, but I did not realise it would be so soon. I was glad I was able to see some of my relatives before they left, but the impact of the separation stayed with me. It was something that I thought long and hard about in deciding whether to make final vows. In the Novitiate, the novelty of learning about religious life and the knowledge that I was there only for a short time did not make missing home too bad. I knew if I made final vows I would be going home for holidays only. And then how could I practise my faith in Tuvalu? Around September the M.V. Nivanga left the Betio wharf for the Ellice Islands, never to return.
Once in Kiribati the two of us were stationed in Teaoraereke, our headquarters. Though we had been professed we were ‘the babies’ of the Kiribati region and had to be around headquarters at least for our first year in the field. It was my very first year too to teach in primary school and I was given the senior classes—7, 8 and a handful of supposedly Class 9. Our Lady of the Sacred Heart Primary School at the time was a selected school and the teachers were paid by government. Since I had not taught for the government before, my salary was that of a new graduate teacher from the Tarawa Teachers’ College. I enjoyed teaching these students as well as my extracurricular duties. I collected the 20c that all the students paid every month for the building of the teachers’ houses. Some of the teachers were Mission-trained and had not yet been to the TTC so they were paid by the Church. Their salaries did not amount to much. Whatever funds we raised through extracurricular activities went to the teachers and the construction of houses for them. The school bought a deep-freezer and one of these teachers’ wives helped me make ice blocks and sandwiches to sell to students and teachers. Once a year the school raised funds in their teams by selling food they had made. For the Open Day at the end of the school year, the students learnt dancing for the entertainment of their guests and parents. The year went very quickly and after Christmas, New Year and the annual retreat I was assigned to Catholic Junior College, Tabwiroa, Abaiang.
Abaiang is the outer island to the north of Tarawa where I had spent time before. In Tabwiroa there were five Sisters—three Australians, an I-Kiribati and myself. The principal was Sister Veronica Hollis. She had returned from Nova Scotia where she had studied Theology for three years. The other two I also had worked with in Taborio. I was new to Tabwiroa which is far bigger than Taborio. There were four other I-Kiribati teachers and three VSOs. Tabwiroa at that time was a co-ed and catered for Forms 1-3 with two classes for each form. Those who passed the Form 3 examinations would continue either to Catholic Senior College, Taborio or Elaine Bernacchi and King George V, Bikenibeu, to do Forms 4 and 5. In the Christmas holiday of 1977 Sister Rotia and I went back to the Novitiate in Bowral to prepare for renewal of vows early in the following year. We met up with Sister Catherine Howard and Sister Anne Ihlein. The latter made her final vows while the three of us made renewal.
In the Provincial visitation of 1979, Sister Berness, who was then on the Provincial Council in Australia, was part of the team that came to Kiribati. Since I had not been home at all she advised me to go home to see my parents. I was due for final vows the following year. I had come to a point where I could no longer postpone seeing my parents. I went, but in my heart I was scared. I was afraid of my parents. I did not know how they would receive me. My grandparents had passed away. Were I going home to see them, I would have had no fear. Even if I had committed the worst crime on God’s earth, I still would fear nothing from my grandparents. Such was my certainty of their love and acceptance of me. But I had always seen my parents as forbidding and formidable. I was never sure of myself when with them. Had I grown up with them or had they not given me away to my grandparents when I was small, perhaps I would have felt differently. Perhaps I would have been assured of their love.
When I got to Funafuti, the main island in Tuvalu, I waited for the country’s only ship to go on its trip to the northern islands. I had a month’s holiday and it was almost two weeks before Nivanga left. Because it had to call on two other islands to drop passengers and cargo, as well as pick up those bound for Funafuti, the whole trip to Nanumea would take almost a week. To wait on Nanumea for the next trip was another two weeks. Perhaps I could have taken the time to give myself one month at home, but I did not think of it. I meticulously counted the month from the day I left Tarawa to the day when I should get back. For the life of me I do not know why I thought like that. I did not give myself time nor did I give my parents time. I did this on each of my trips home every four years. Yet the first time I went home after they had both left this world, I took three months. Looking back now I do not know who I was punishing, my parents or myself.
I did not let them know I was coming for a holiday. Members of the extended family on Funafuti sent many messages from the time I arrived on Funafuti to let my parents know I was on my way. Tuvalu is a Protestant country and on achieving independence in 1978 had called its church, the Church of Tuvalu. In a small place like that, a nun, even if she is a Tuvaluan, became something of a curiosity to the people. I regarded the stares rude and I preferred to stay in the house all the time. When I finally reached Nanumea, my parents had prepared for my arrival and this is why looking back I am sad I did not stay, even if it had meant going over the normal holiday time. The ship arrived during the night and the captain let me go ashore with the Minister in the Tuvalu House of Parliament, Maheu Naniseni, my mother’s cousin. With the familiar smell of food I knew then all was well. My parents had been preparing for my arrival. They had just turned down the lantern to go to sleep thinking passengers would be coming ashore in the morning. It was a happy reunion and after telling stories for awhile, we slept. Little did I know, that was my only time with my parents.
The next morning I wanted to go everywhere. I wanted to see everything—even Lakena, the islet where I had lived with my grandparents. When I returned to the house it was noon and the extended family had gathered. I wanted very much to see my parents alone but I realised there was no time. Then from among the people sitting there, a lady cousin of my father spoke up. From the many things she said I could remember only one. ‘You go back to Tarawa and when your vows are expired in January, we shall meet here when you return.’ I knew then I could not tell my parents my news. When I left in my heart I said goodbye because I was not sure if my parents would want to see my face again. I had meant to tell my parents that I wanted to make final profession.
Final profession in Kiribati is a big event because it involves the Sisters’ families. I wrote to my parents explaining that I was making my final vows and I did not invite them. Because I did not invite my parents I could not bring myself to invite anyone of my relations either. Sister Rotia’s family came from Abaiang and because they had known me from there they included me in their preparations. They were very kind. Somehow my relatives on South Tarawa must have heard because they got together and prepared food for the feast after Mass. Some of them even came to the Mass, participated in the liturgy and the feast in the maneaba. I was very grateful for what they did. Their presence made me feel good. I was not alone after all. I was home!